Saturday, November 14, 2009

Reflecting


I am sitting here thinking about how I felt a year ago when we brought Nayeli home from the hospital after 23 days of being in the ICN. I was so scared that there wasn't a nurse nearby. I also thought I was dreaming. I didn't think that day would ever come. I was so scared I wasn't going to bring Nayeli home at all. I was afraid of coming home empty handed. My fears are realities for other CDH famiies. I am having a hard time knowing that other CDH families don't get to bring their babies home. I think of those babies and families every night. As I kiss Nayeli every night we say a prayer for all of them. It's great to see her do things everyday and then it also hurts that the babies that have lost their battle to CDH won't have their mommy's and daddy's kissing them goodnight. I feel lucky, and then also guilty. I know I shouldn't feel guilty but it's hard not to. I had a very hard time sorting my feelings over this but Shane convinced me to write them. I am probably not making much sense but I guess it's more for me to write it out.

We thank God for Nayeli everyday. Nayeli is such a blessing she is a miracle!
Reflecting back on how we felt when we brought Nayeli home a year ago has me thinking back on how I felt. It was emotional and I will never forget.

Psalm 121:1-2 I lift up my eyes to the hills where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.

There is no place like home November 15, 2008Visiting Dr. Maier and his staff at OB/Gyn a year ago during Nayeli's first Pediatrician checkupA year later visiting Dr. Maier and his staff.

3 comments:

Jennifer Tenney said...

I totally understand what you are saying. I am also the mom to a CDH survivor. She will be 1 on Christmas Day! And I still follow all the blogs and it seems like I am crying for a baby almost every day. It makes me so grateful and happy, and yet, like you, I almost feel guilty. I think we are lucky because we appreciate every little thing more than a non-CDH parent. Sometimes I wish I could unlearn about CDH because it makes me so sad, but then I realize that would be so wrong- we are the lucky ones and the best we can do is give hope and prayers to the babies and parents who are just starting their struggle. Nayeli is so very beautiful and an inspiration to us! Thank you for sharing her story!
((Hugs))
Jennifer
Mom to Dakota

Kate said...

It's amazing how far our babies have come! And yet so depressing for all those mothers who can not experience this because of this CDH monster! CDH is so very ugly! :(

Nayeli is a strong beautiful little girl (well she is a big girl now!) :) We are truly blessed to have our miracle girls by our side everyday!

Chelsea and Robert Serna said...

You should never feel guilty for being able to take your precious baby home. Even though I wasn't as fortunate, your story along with all of the other CDH survivor stories gave me the hope and courage to take on the journey. We all know what the risks and statistics are but we all have hope going into that delivery room. Some babies make it and some babies don't but it's because of the babies that do make it that gives us the courage to do whatever we can to give them the best chance possible. Even if I knew then what I know now, I would've still gone through everything I did to give our baby a chance. I miss him dearly and wish he was here with me but I have no regrets. So, please be happy that you're blessed with a beautiful little girl and please don't feel guilty. Your story is and always will be an inspiration to CDH mothers-to-be.